thanx :)

after rested.i came tO him as the others wished.it's not perfOce like his prefer.exactly nOt.it was my decisiOn.well.it's my life ryte.sO,why must i follOw the others.nO need tO stOry bOut diz anymOre.let it being histOry.

fOr yOu :

thanx fOr evrytin' even i knOw it's hard fOr yOu tO thrOugh it

:)

again and again

well,yesterday early in da mOrning my bestie was called me n yeah, i knOw her had sumtin' tO talk tO.n i alsO knOw wut tOpic will she open.it's true!at beginning sje wat ta faham.malas nak dengar dye membebel kt aku.then,dye teruskan juga.haha.dye dah taw perangai aku cane.aku pun dengar setiap pe yang dye cakap.try tO defend myself even i knOw she will blamed it on me.again n again.nOt she only.but evryone around me.ta salahkan dOrang tO judge me as cruel persOn 'cuz evrytyme talkin' bOut that,i'm loOk slumber.laugh here n there.nOt curiOus.n i like tO say 'lantak lah'.yeah.exactly!but dOrg taw pe akuh rase.?since first it was happened,i am da unlucky persOn that blunder.that's me.again and again.tired.evrytin' of my wOrd is unacceptable.why?juz 'cuz i neva talk wut i'm feelin' act.wut i'm think.wut in my heart.wut i want.evrytin'!!and i will nevermOre tO speak out.neva!fullstOp.i'm nOt da kind of persOn.'cuz evry drop of my tear was brought out of my sadness.disillusion.it's enOugh i think.and i juz let it gO sO i can carry on my life withOut bleed n da peOple out there can't see my darkness side. after that sO i can give my perfect smile.jOke as usual.tease.even inside of me was injured.nOt 'cuz of that only.it's mOre than that.wut peOple talk bOut me.damn me.but i knOw my unhappy it's juz for a while.then,i can laugh as befOre.well,let bygOne be bygOne.nOthing tO reminisce.it's whO am i act.fOr yOu,i neva blame yOu fOr wut happened nOw.maybe it's true.it was my fault.i want yOu knOw that 's yOu are da lucky one which is have a gud friend like them. appreciate them as much as yOu can.sO,evryone of yOu,cOntinue tO blamed it on me and i dun care anymOre!

:)

early in da mOrning my bestie was text me.i thOught she had sumtin' tO ask me.yeah,exactly! secOnd text je dh tny 'psl tuh'.well,didn't answer yet but ask her back wut happen.sO,she stOry bOut that tO me.tgh mamai2 tuh pn aku layan gk r kn.i want tO crOuch it frOm her 'cuz i think i shOuld.but yeah,same as yOu.hard tO hide it.i tOld her bOut that but nOt entirely.juz a general i think.then,she ask me sOme of quest & i answer it in my own wOrd.thanx gOd she dOesn't ask me with her killer quest.haha.then i silent in my roOm fOr a while.of cOurse i didn't want tO stOry bOut diz tO her 'cuz i knOw even i tOld tO evryone,nO one will understand me.sO,juz let it be.ryte?sO,i will thrOugh my day with my own way for a while :)

need tyme

need tyme fOr myself

let give me being lOnely for a while

in my own world

withOut yOu

let me find out

wut i want

frOm deep in my heart

dun disturb me

even a secOnd

sadness and friends

tOday as usual.nOthing happen.but yeah,yesterday.my fren was called me n talked sumtin'. it sOund urgent.first sentence from him when picked up da fOn, 'dye minx clash'.unpredictable 'cuz i did't prefer diz thing will happen.yup,a week befOre, he was tell me bOut their argument but i'm nOt take curiOus bOut that 'cuz biase r kn argue n fighting.then,it will be oke as befOre.sO,he ask me hOw to dO now.aduh,dah lame xwat kje mOtivate and advise org nih.huhu.i asked him whether he ready tO lOse the gurl or in other word he willing tO relinquish that gurl or he still want tO try cOrrect their relatiOn.and he said,he willing.it's mOre easier r kn.sO,wut r u waiting fOr ryte? u had make a decisiOn.juz dO it r dear.but u knOw wut,wut i like bOut him is easy tO make decisiOn & brave take a risk.i knOw he was sad even he laugh.then,we had sOme talked and jOke.laughter n tease.stOp there.at midnight,he text me but sleep already r.huhu.sOry oke. dawn befOre gOing tO schoOl,i text him & give sum sentence.wut da sntence? sebOk kOrg! haha.wherever u are,u r my bestie darl!wut had happened yesterday was realised me bOut wut friend is act.a lOng time didn't think bOut 'friend term'.yOu cry, laugh, angry,sadness,dOwn or wuteva,u'll share it wit fren even ur luver juz beside on yOu.am i ryte?think it by ur own r.

*when u lOst in darkness and searching fOr da light,tO help yOu thrOugh thOse lOnely nights,when evrytin' arOund u fails,juz hOld out ur hand,and i'll cOme running,that's wut a friend is fOr which is better than ur luver :)

diari

hey u!.yeah,dh lme aku tak update blOg.gler malas weyh! tak taw nak cakap camne.sO,aku gagahkan hati untuk update blOg even pOst tah pape.haha.pagi tadi g JPN kt PU cuz nak tukar ic.thanx gOd,prOses dye tak lame even aku sendiri tak sempat duduk kat kerusi,dah kena panggil.oke.then teman k.lOng g bfast kt maple sebelah tuh cuz dye nak makan.aku pOse plak.dye tak nak.aku pakse.after that g OTK.mma nak beli barang intan untuk balik asrama.Next destinatiOn,mma nak beli lauk kt kdai Pak Lang.dOrang ni pn satu,tadi kt OTK tak nak beli.haih.mma tanya nak masak ape buka jap g.well,aku?ikan sambal.haha.pe pun yang sambal,sume aku bedal!even tengah sakit perut.haha.tuh mmg fveret akuh r.lauk len?tak lyn.huhu.blek tuh wat egg tart.k.lOng ajr.kurang menjadi cuz tgn aku ni krs ckit bab2 nak kna uli2 nih.mmg tak ske weyh.tak sabar nak bbuker.minum air.haus seyh!

padan muke

well,harini takde study grOup.sO, agk bOring r kn.cm org bdO je duk umh.lps mnd n bfst, trus on cOmp.then, classmate pn onn.mmg bez r kn.chat r dgn dye.fuh,pagi2 jumaat yang hening tadi dye leh cite lucah kt aku.yang lagi tak bOley tahan pasal bf aku plak tuh.melampau r ni weyh. malas nk layan dye sgt cuz taw dye mmg cmtuh.tengah syOk dye kutuk bf aku tah cne aku bley marah dye pn aku tak taw.then,bile aku dh marah dye boley gelak plak.ceh! reasOn? sje nk test aku.tengOk sejauh mane aku syg bf aku.cilake kO! haha.tuh pun tak lame cuz dye nak sOlat jumaat.alah.baru nk chat lagi dgn dye.tapi takpe.petang tuh bf text aku.yeah,akhirnye!! hehe. cakap lebih kurang. then g taw dye pe yg mmber tuh cakap.aku bknnye kesah sgt pn pe mmber tuh cakap,juz nak dye taw jer.tp takde r sampai aku tak amik kesah kan.angin gak aku rase.ske2 nak kutuk bf aku! haha.aku ni kn ske gelak.aku gelak dye ley marah aku plak.haha.lantak kOrang r.wat lah pe yang kOrang ske.

cukup setakat ini

camne nak start stOry? harini pergi sekOlah cam biasa. tapi entah kenapa,hati aku rasa lain. aku rasa fed-up dgn mereka2 yang tak pernah berubah.sampai bila? ye,befOre diz aku rasa bertanggungjawab untuk advise dOrang.datang & ajar dOrang even dOrang tak pernah mintak semua tuh.tapi takpe.aku tak kesah.kita kawan kan.maybe lebih dari kawan,teman.sumtyme aku diperlekehkan camtuh jer.mase kte ajr,cakap dengan orang lain.mintak kita explain byk kali. igt kOrg bayar aku ke 'tuk ajr kOrg.?aku sabar dengan keadaan tuh even kawan-kawan aku cakap aku lebihkan mereka2 tuh.de gak yang cakap tak yah amik pOrt dengan dOrg 'cuz dOrg tak kan pernah berubah.aku jadi bahan dalam geng aku kadang tuh.maybe dOrang tak pernah tahu tentang itu.tapi takpe.ketika itu aku masih percaya yang aku boleh mengubah diri dOrang. aku gagahkan jugak hati nih.sikgu selalu cakap 'apabila kamu melangkah setapak keluar dari sini,kamu tidak akan bersama lagi seperti sekarang.tiada siapa akan bantu kamu.kamu akan ada hidup sendiri.kerjaya sendiri.semua itu akan kamu jalani atas apa yang kamu usahakan selama kamu berada disini & sejauh mana kamu kerjakan ia.tidak kira sehebat mana relatiOn kamu.tidak kira apa jua hubungan kamu.'itulah yang sering terngiang-ngiang di telinga aku.tapi aku tak pernah mengia & menidakkan kenyataan tuh.bukan apa,kalau diizinkan Tuhan,aku nak mereka tersenyum bersama aku & rakan lain ketika mendapat result.maybe aku tak mampu buat mereka ketawa, tapi cukuplah sekadar sekuntum senyuman yang terukir.aku pernah rasa kesedihan sebelum nih bila bestie aku dapat result yg bagi dye kurang m'berangsangkan. tambahan lagi bila result aku jauh lebih baik dr dye. aku taw dye kecewa sangat.tyme tuh aku rasa agak b'salah 'cuz t'fikir.selama nih aku belajar syOk sendiri ke sampai aku lupakan dye? tak tolOng dye?kedekut ilmu ke aku nih? lepas kejadian tuh, aku mula share setiap ilmu yang aku ada dengan dye sehinggakan dye same level dgn aku.lebih dasyat result dye mengatasi aku.tapi aku tak pernah dengki dengan apa yang dye perolehi kerana bagi aku tuh rezki dye & aku tak cukup usaha.begitu juga yang aku cuba lakukan dengan mereka2.sampailah hari ini. aku mula mengakui kenyataan yang keluar dari mulut cikgu tuh. benar apa yang dikatakan. hOnestly, aku dah give-up nak tolOng dOrang yang tak pernah nak tolong diri dOrang sendiri.kenapa kita yang kerap kali amik kesah pasal dOrang sedangkan dOrang relax jer.sO,after diz,jangan pelik kalau aku tak amik pOrt pasal kOrang macam sebelum nih sebab aku tau.pe sekalipun yang aku wat 'tuk kOrang.benda tuh tak kan pernah berhasil.even that, aku sentiasa disini kalau satu ketika kOrang perlukan aku 'tuk m'bantu kOrang.tapi 'tuk seperti dulu yang bantuan dihulur tanpa dipinta takkkan pernah ada lagi!tak kira sape pun kau!cukup setakat pe yang pernah aku berikan.

study grOup

hellO evrybOdy! how r u? yeah,it's been a week i didn't update blOg i think.yeah.didn't hve tOpic tO wrOte & a lil' bz r.sO,sOrry oke? yesterday,i wif my fren had a study grOup at my hOuse. and all of us had choOsen math as subject fOr make a revisiOn fOr the day.well, one of my bestie weak in diz sub act.sO, we gave mOre attentiOn tO her.pity fOr her.she a lil' bit slOw when we talk bOut math.nOt math only,but evrytin' which have a num.sO funny!at beginnin',i take the respOnsibility tO explain any questiOn that she nOt undersatnd.but she still nOt understnd.after that, my fren,shahida replace me. she still nOt undtsnd. next, nasha teach her. still didn't understnd. can u imagine it? tired ouh. i feel tO angry her but my fren said 'dOn't angry wif her r.pity fOr her.calm dOwn'.haha. sO, take a rest fOr a while after study fOr 3 hOurs. after lunch,cOntinue our study 'till 4pm.next week mybe make a stdy grOup.but nOt decide yet.